There is nothing wrong with you. Trust me on that. But Self Improvement is still in order.
“But,” you say, “My nose is too big,” or “I’m too fat (or too thin),” or “I’m not smart enough,” or “I have a temper that’s out of control,” or—the list goes on, and on and on. We are very critical of ourselves and see faults everywhere. These things are not you. You are not your weight, you are not your brains, you are not your temper. You started in life exactly as you were supposed to be and now, because you have compared yourself to everyone else and judged yourself as “not quite good enough” you want to make some changes but, let me say it again.
There is nothing wrong with you.
Let me explain with an example from my kitchen.
I make an amazing stew. I get all the freshest ingredients I can find, cut them into bite sized pieces, brown the meat, and put everything in the slow cooker. By the end of the day, the stew is ready to eat and the house smells as delicious as the stew. It tastes “perfect” to me. Then, along comes my son who tastes the stew, reaches up into the cabinet for some spices or into the fridge for some fresh herbs or both. A little shake of a container and a snip off the herbs and he transforms the stew into a gourmet dish. There was nothing wrong with it in the first place. It was great stew then. Now it is fantastic!
It’s the same with you. You are already great but you want to be fantastic. Nothing wrong with that! You want do do some work with self improvement. Go for it!
Most of us are so influenced by the media that we have come to believe that those we see on the screen or in ads are role models for how we should present ourselves to the world and we consciously or unconsciously compare ourselves to them. We forget that they’ve been starved, over-exercised and perhaps photoshopped so they look glamorous. Some are anorexic. Some are so terrified of aging that can no longer smile because of the numerous face lifts and botox injections. Some of them can’t put two sentences together without a script or a teleprompter. Don’t get me wrong. Some are beautiful, intelligent (even brilliant) compassionate and generous. But why are they our role models? Why do we need to be anyone other than who we are? Who’s real here?
Who made the rules about who is beautiful and who is not?
Who sets all the standards we think we have to meet?
Why can’t you sent your own standards?
The answer? You can!
But the kicker is: WHY do you want to change? Who do you want to change for?
Take just a moment to think about that.
If you want to make improvements because you want to please a girlfriend or boyfriend, you’d better think it over. Did you ask him (or her) if he’d like/love you more if you changed? What if you got a “nose job” to please him and he didn’t like it, either? What if you profess beliefs that are not yours, just to please him? What does that do to your spirit? And what does it do to the relationship when he finds out you were “faking it”?
Is your beloved one trying to do an “overhaul” of you before he/she can make a commitment? (If so, run, don’t walk, to the nearest exit). Because you need to lose a few pounds is he telling you to get on the show Extreme Weight Loss or The Biggest Loser? Or does he put you down because of your size?
What if your parents harp at you continuously and it’s impossible to please them? Do you want or need to make yourself over to get their approval? Perhaps they don’t have the ability to approve of anyone.
In almost every instance, when you try to change you to please someone else, you end up with heartache and another drop in your self esteem.
When you’ve done everything you can to please someone else by changing yourself, how pleased are you with you? Are they still around or did they leave before you finished your makeover?
The only person you need to please in this self improvement adventure is you. Just you. It is for YOUR happiness and well being.
And the big secret is that when you approve of you and you love who you are, others will, too.